Wow, this Marie Claire thing...

Ok, so by now you've prolly heard about the Marie Claire thing. If you haven't, I'm sure you can Google "marie claire fatties" and learn more than you ever wanted to know. Other fatosphere bloggers have already posted tons about it, so I won't rehash. But that's the context if you need it for what comes next...

One cool thing that came out of the MC thing is that someone I've never connected with about Fat Acceptance/HAES posted about it on FB, with a link to a blog railing against the MC article. So I commented on the post:

I invite you to blame the horrible author instead of blaming yourself/your body. I am part of the Health at Every Size and Fat Acceptance movements and I would love for all my beautiful friends to love themselves just as they are. ...

If you ever are interested in books or blogs or other resources to learn more about these movements I would love to share them.

She posted back that she thanked me, that she had a long way to go on self-acceptance, and that while she hated what the original article writer had to say, said writer had a right to her opinion.  I replied:

She may be entitled to her opinion, but that doesn't make it ok. Just think if someone had written an article about how disgusting they find it when gay people, or Asian people, or disabled people kiss. We'd be absolutely morally outraged. Why is fat different? (I would argue it shouldn't be!)

And very soon after, I received this letter by FB Message (NOT on the comment string, but to me alone):

Hi!

I just wanted to comment and didn't want to seem like I was starting a flame war or anything...

I would argue that being fat is different. I do not agree with Ms. Kelly's sentiment at all, please believe this. But I do, as an overweight person, feel that being fat is different from being different ethnically or sexually, I know, cause I'm Hispanic, too. All I need is to be gay and I would hit the social outcast trifecta!

I am not at all saying we actively make this choice (though, arguably, there are those who do). There are a myriad of issues at hand. Things that we, as individuals have to work through. Things we, as individuals, have to take accountability for. Is it easy? Not at all. That's why it's called work when we seek a healthier life style. But, in my opinion, to compare our fat-ness to say, our ethnic-ness is not a just comparison. At the end of the day, I can diet, but cannot change the color of my skin....

Please don't think me insensitive, because I know well the trials of being overweight in an overly skinny centric culture. What Ms. Kelly wrote was simply wrong, and completely unfair. And made worse by her admission of having been anorexic in her apology.

It is horrible and dichotomous, this society we live in....we make each other feel bad for how we look, yet try to convince ourselves it doesn't matter.

I think people in general are beautiful in and of themselves...regardless of what they look like.

I hope this made some sort of sense....

And again, I'm not looking for a fight, just offering perspective...

I hope you are having a great day.

cheers,
name

I felt weird about getting this message privately/individually. It was from someone I've seen around, but don't know personally. If he feels strongly about this matter, he should post it in reply to mine so that I could then refute it openly. What's the point of sending just to me, unless he's either a) afraid to look mean/afraid more people will agree with me (gawd, I wish!) or b) ambiguous about his feelings on some level, and subconsciously hoping I'll say something that will allow him to accept his own fatness. Now, my knee-jerk reaction was to say, "yes you're insensitive. And weird and a jerk for sending this privately. Never contact me again." Seriously, I typed that. But then I deleted it, took a deep breath, and after some false starts, sent this:

I don't think you're particularly insensitive, however I do think you are (as most Americans are) uneducated on the failure rate of diets. You have bought into the prevailing misconception that we do, in fact, have control over the size of our bodies. And that biodiversity in body shape and size is "different" than other kinds of diversity. Not too long ago, homosexuality was considered completely controllable and an illness, and prior to that, doctors prescribed skin lighteners to enable African Americans to pass as white. These things were seen at the time as controllable, but more education has shown they are in fact genetic and part of human diversity.

I don't want a fight either but I do invite you to get educated on the Health at Every Size movement and the absolutely abysmal success percentages of each and every supposed "diet" or "lifestyle change" out there. Once we acknowledge that the promise of safe and effective long-term weight loss is a false promise and a myth, it is a much shorter step to accepting the diversity of bodies in human society and ending blame and shame. 

Now, if he writes back with more fat hate, he gets blocked. I don't have enough Sanity Points to deal with that any further. But maybe, just maybe, he'll do some reading.

And that, my friends, is my Activism Deed of the Day. I couldn't stand to stay hidden in the closet of FB Private Message Land. So I am sharing it with you.

EDIT: His response, received within minutes of my message, after the jump. I will _not_ be responding. I've spent enough spoons on him. On a positive note, I got a chuckle from the amusing image of people "loosing" weight. "I will loose my weight upon the world..." watch out - it's like a tiger "loosed" from the cage!

Not a four-letter word

Check out this FLABULOUS advice column! Miss Conduct is my new fave mainstream-media fat-poz ally.

So basically, a man writes in because he got slapped for commenting on a woman's “nice, full, hourglass figure” on first meeting her, while planning a first date.

Miss C responds that a) it's not OK to hit, unless in self-defense, b) it's not a good idea to comment on a woman's figure unless you're very close, and c) - and here's the really great part:

Finally, your story is a sad comment on the extent to which fat prejudice has permeated our society -- that the suggestion that a woman is heavy can actually be considered an assault to honor, “fighting words” along the lines of a racial slur. If we lived in a world that celebrated all body types, in which desirability and health were not thought to be inexorably tied to one’s BMI, the idea of a woman slapping someone who suggested that she was plump, zaftig, even fat (not a four-letter word, you’ll note) would make about as much sense as slapping someone who pointed out how red her hair was. (To learn more about size acceptance, check out the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, Health at Every Size, and the writing of Paul Campos and Kate Harding, among others.)

Seriously. In the Boston Globe, she says this. I think I'm in love!!

Full story: http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2010/03/14/figures_of_speech/

Antidote

Well, as painful as Meme is, thank goodness for the FatStudies List and the fact that I'm sitting here catching up on all the videos people have posted... cause THIS is a great antidote to Meme.

Is it perfect? No. Do they have all the answers? No. Will their solutions (Torrid, Macy's) work for me, the super-size 6X-plus girl? No.

BUT, and it's a *big* but... it's a segment on a mainstream women's daytime talk show where REAL FAT WOMEN are featured, and given air space to talk candidly about what it's like to be a fat women in a thin person's world. I like how not one of them gives Elle any fat cred just cause she's a "plus size model" - honey, you're only plus size on the runway. In real life, you're average. You might even be fat - but that's for your doctor to say (especially since fat *is* average!)...

It feels incomplete - I wish they had posted the video of the after-makeover outfits... but don't miss the still shots (scroll down and look to the right of the text).