I have a hard time making healthier choices without feeling like I'm caving to the pressure to weight-loss diet. I have a hard time turning down foods that taste exciting but don't do great things for my body without feeling the old ED voices coming up to haunt me, triggered by the slightest hint of restriction. So I've spent a lot of time living in a land of overindulgence, choosing the milkshake, the chips, the full-octane everything, resisting anything that reminded me of ways I was instructed to eat in order to lose weight. Unfortunately, that meant cutting out a lot of practices and foods that would probably help me feel better, have more energy, better digestion, etc. The diet voice was still in charge; I was reacting against it rather than living under its restrictive thumb, but it was still running the show.
I was starting to worry that "eat food, stuff you like, as much as you want" wasn't for people like me. That I was deluding myself that HAES applies to someone as far out on the 'fat' end of the bell curve as I am. But luckily for me, I have a whole heap of awesome people in my life who are generous with their time and willing to talk me off the cliff.
Talking with them, I was reminded that The Fat Nutritionist is talking to me, that HAES does apply... but when your (my) relationship with food is so broken, you may have to take some time and energy to break down what "stuff you like" and "as much as you want" really mean. (Spoiler alert: they do not mean "mostly stuff you were deprived of as a restrictive eater/dieter/child whose eating was controlled by others" and "as much as it takes to make you so full it hurts but at least you're not scared of ever being hungry again.") Edit: Oh, wait. Michelle totally calls that out here. Oh well... I got there eventually.
I was reminded to dust off my toolkit and pull out tools I have forgotten to use for a while (such as the fabulous Deb Burgard's "Every Body Part Gets a Vote"). I was reminded that it's OK to make choices that are conventionally deemed "healthy" and that making said choices doesn't make me a tool of the Dieting Industrial Complex. Yup, even if choices that may make my body healthier resemble choices one might make under the tutelage of a mother who wants desperately to protect her child from a life of fatness.
I was reminded it's OK to have full-fat dressing when I want it, but that it's also OK to dig deep and realize what I really want is a light sprinkle of oil and vinegar (hey, it could happen!) AND, more importantly, it's OK to have a salad because it tastes great and is full of yummy veggies and fiber, and go ahead and have cheese and eggs on it too because I'm NOT trying to eat low-cal or low-fat per se, just trying to have a nicer life and that means fueling my body well.
Showing posts with label intuitive eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intuitive eating. Show all posts
Monday, July 7, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
When a car isn't just a car
So a month ago I was rear-ended and my car was totaled. Luckily I am physically fine. A little sore at first but my chiropractor did a great job getting me back on track. Unfortunately, the car search has been incredibly painful as I struggle to find a car that will accommodate my fat body. I have been having dark thoughts about capitulating to mainstream medicine and looking to weight loss diets/surgery/etc.
This week, we got connected with an accessibility place that does van conversions. Not only do they have a minivan that accommodates my fat body in the driver's seat, but I'll be able to load my mobility scooter all by myself without struggle, and have a level of freedom and independence I haven't had for a couple of years!
The downside: the placement of the pedals requires my leg to be straight out from my hip, rather than lolling to the side like it usually does because of my big belly. The muscles in my inner thigh have to work pretty hard to keep my leg in this position, and after a longish (20 min?) test drive I was in a good deal of pain. Everything else about this van is better than any of the other vehicles we've tried, and after much talk and brainstorming we concluded that no other vehicle is likely to be able to fix this problem, nor is there an aftermarket modification that can be done to fix it.
Luckily, I have my resources. I consulted with dear Cinder Ernst the amazing exercise coach, and she thinks exercise can strengthen this muscle group to make the pain less over time. Friend Carole talked up the benefits of the increased independence and freedom this van will give me, and encouraged me to have faith that I can do the strengthening piece.
I go sign paperwork tonight. I'm gonna have a new minivan!
Still struggling to own this disability identity and not feel like I should "just eat less and exercise more" and undo my disability. That sh*t doesn't work - I know the research shows it - and yet the pressure is everywhere!
Trying really hard to turn away those dark weight-loss-focused thoughts and remember that my job is to eat food, stuff I like, as much as I want, and to take small steps with exercise.
So hard! When I hit a major bump in the road like this, especially one that centers around my body size, it is SO HARD to stay on target.
This week, we got connected with an accessibility place that does van conversions. Not only do they have a minivan that accommodates my fat body in the driver's seat, but I'll be able to load my mobility scooter all by myself without struggle, and have a level of freedom and independence I haven't had for a couple of years!
The downside: the placement of the pedals requires my leg to be straight out from my hip, rather than lolling to the side like it usually does because of my big belly. The muscles in my inner thigh have to work pretty hard to keep my leg in this position, and after a longish (20 min?) test drive I was in a good deal of pain. Everything else about this van is better than any of the other vehicles we've tried, and after much talk and brainstorming we concluded that no other vehicle is likely to be able to fix this problem, nor is there an aftermarket modification that can be done to fix it.
Luckily, I have my resources. I consulted with dear Cinder Ernst the amazing exercise coach, and she thinks exercise can strengthen this muscle group to make the pain less over time. Friend Carole talked up the benefits of the increased independence and freedom this van will give me, and encouraged me to have faith that I can do the strengthening piece.
I go sign paperwork tonight. I'm gonna have a new minivan!
Still struggling to own this disability identity and not feel like I should "just eat less and exercise more" and undo my disability. That sh*t doesn't work - I know the research shows it - and yet the pressure is everywhere!
Trying really hard to turn away those dark weight-loss-focused thoughts and remember that my job is to eat food, stuff I like, as much as I want, and to take small steps with exercise.
So hard! When I hit a major bump in the road like this, especially one that centers around my body size, it is SO HARD to stay on target.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Puttin' on the Ritz
I grew up steeped in ideas about good foods and bad foods. Eating good foods (or even better, no food at all) made one a good girl, virtuous, and - eventually, presumably - skinny. Eating bad foods made one a bad girl, gluttonous, and fat with all the most negative connotations of fatness that society allows.
I've worked hard to unpack and (to some extent) unlearn these attitudes. I had a moment today when it really reared up. I realized I feel guilty/bad when I eat Ritz crackers. I remember being told they were full of fat and they were not something we ever had in the house growing up.
I wonder... are they really nutritionally that bad? I almost looked at the Nutrition Facts panel when the thought reared its head. But what would that prove? They are not made of air and cardboard, and they are a processed food, so a glance at the facts and figures is not likely to prove they've got the same nutritional content (or lack thereof) as a handful of celery sticks and shut up the guilt that way. Nope, that's staying within the problematic paradigm. It's not about whether they're "bad" or "good" at all. I've gotta use my intuitive eating and HAES skills and shut that sh*t down.
So...
Fact: In an ideal world, I would've brought a lunch, but I didn't.
Fact: The options to go out and purchase near work, and the time it would take to do so, did not work for me today.
Fact: I need to feed my body. Unplanned fasting is not an acceptable option for me.
Fact: I had Ritz crackers in my desk drawer because they're something I'll eat even when I feel crappy and/or don't feel like eating.
Therefore: Ritz crackers were the right choice given the parameters in place today.
Take that, tape loop in my head!
I've worked hard to unpack and (to some extent) unlearn these attitudes. I had a moment today when it really reared up. I realized I feel guilty/bad when I eat Ritz crackers. I remember being told they were full of fat and they were not something we ever had in the house growing up.
I wonder... are they really nutritionally that bad? I almost looked at the Nutrition Facts panel when the thought reared its head. But what would that prove? They are not made of air and cardboard, and they are a processed food, so a glance at the facts and figures is not likely to prove they've got the same nutritional content (or lack thereof) as a handful of celery sticks and shut up the guilt that way. Nope, that's staying within the problematic paradigm. It's not about whether they're "bad" or "good" at all. I've gotta use my intuitive eating and HAES skills and shut that sh*t down.
So...
Fact: In an ideal world, I would've brought a lunch, but I didn't.
Fact: The options to go out and purchase near work, and the time it would take to do so, did not work for me today.
Fact: I need to feed my body. Unplanned fasting is not an acceptable option for me.
Fact: I had Ritz crackers in my desk drawer because they're something I'll eat even when I feel crappy and/or don't feel like eating.
Therefore: Ritz crackers were the right choice given the parameters in place today.
Take that, tape loop in my head!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
ED issues - do they ever go away?
I love how our Fat Acceptance community can come together to support each other when one of us is feeling less fierce than usual... I'm hoping to find a bit of that support today.
Trigger warning for eating disorder issues, ok, y'all...?
I am really struggling the past couple days with a strong urge to binge on sugars, fats, and carbs. All the stuff I've been taught my whole life is "bad" (which I've struggled, with limited success so far, to re-define for myself in a HAES and intuitive eating framework). I've struggled with a tendency to have disordered eating - and disordered thinking about eating - for what feels like forever. Certainly since middle school, when I'd make up elaborate lies about wanting something to do, being so bored, surely my mom wanted me to go to the store and get some milk or something just so I could go to the store to buy a candy bar and devour it in a fear- and forbidden-food rush of shame. (I wasn't allowed to spend my allowance on candy, cause, ya know, so fat.) I also got caught once stealing chocolate chips out of the deep freezer in the garage... and the shame, wow... I don't think I'd have been more ashamed if I'd been caught masturbating. (Yeah, no body issues there. Why should masturbation be a shameful thing either? But that's another story for another post.)
I think I'm being triggered these past few days because a) I've learned that I'm gluten-intolerant, which means I'm constantly telling myself "no" to things I want to eat, and restriction/the forbidden are huge triggers for me... and b) I had a conversation with a friend who is a 10-year WLS survivor with pretty much the best imaginable outcome. I forget how it came up, but I tried to neutrally respond saying I was glad she had such a good experience and was healthy. Somehow this turned into her recommending other mutual acquaintances I could talk to who also had good experiences, and wham - I was triggered.
Not sure the above two items can possibly explain completely why last night I ate 2 corn dogs and a bacon-wrapped hot dog (after a full meal 2 hours earlier) and this morning a turkey sandwich and a muffin (both v. gluten-ous) and for lunch Taco Bell and then a 3-pack of Hostess orange cupcakes AND a pack of Twinkies. And why I'm feeling so much like a failure and so much frustration and some shame for eating all these things. I know I'll be kicking myself for DAYS as all this grease and sugar and most importantly gluten wreaks havoc on my poor tummy and gut. Why do I do this to myself? How can I give my body the food I know is good for it when intuitive eating says eat what I crave, and what I crave is sugar when my genes give me a high chance of diabetes and gluten which makes my tummy hurt? This is too hard to navigate.
Help me, wise fatties! What have YOU done to struggle through these issues and come out the other side?
Trigger warning for eating disorder issues, ok, y'all...?
I am really struggling the past couple days with a strong urge to binge on sugars, fats, and carbs. All the stuff I've been taught my whole life is "bad" (which I've struggled, with limited success so far, to re-define for myself in a HAES and intuitive eating framework). I've struggled with a tendency to have disordered eating - and disordered thinking about eating - for what feels like forever. Certainly since middle school, when I'd make up elaborate lies about wanting something to do, being so bored, surely my mom wanted me to go to the store and get some milk or something just so I could go to the store to buy a candy bar and devour it in a fear- and forbidden-food rush of shame. (I wasn't allowed to spend my allowance on candy, cause, ya know, so fat.) I also got caught once stealing chocolate chips out of the deep freezer in the garage... and the shame, wow... I don't think I'd have been more ashamed if I'd been caught masturbating. (Yeah, no body issues there. Why should masturbation be a shameful thing either? But that's another story for another post.)
I think I'm being triggered these past few days because a) I've learned that I'm gluten-intolerant, which means I'm constantly telling myself "no" to things I want to eat, and restriction/the forbidden are huge triggers for me... and b) I had a conversation with a friend who is a 10-year WLS survivor with pretty much the best imaginable outcome. I forget how it came up, but I tried to neutrally respond saying I was glad she had such a good experience and was healthy. Somehow this turned into her recommending other mutual acquaintances I could talk to who also had good experiences, and wham - I was triggered.
Not sure the above two items can possibly explain completely why last night I ate 2 corn dogs and a bacon-wrapped hot dog (after a full meal 2 hours earlier) and this morning a turkey sandwich and a muffin (both v. gluten-ous) and for lunch Taco Bell and then a 3-pack of Hostess orange cupcakes AND a pack of Twinkies. And why I'm feeling so much like a failure and so much frustration and some shame for eating all these things. I know I'll be kicking myself for DAYS as all this grease and sugar and most importantly gluten wreaks havoc on my poor tummy and gut. Why do I do this to myself? How can I give my body the food I know is good for it when intuitive eating says eat what I crave, and what I crave is sugar when my genes give me a high chance of diabetes and gluten which makes my tummy hurt? This is too hard to navigate.
Help me, wise fatties! What have YOU done to struggle through these issues and come out the other side?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
31 Days of New Year's REVolution Challenges
I'm posting the 31 Days of REVolution because life has gotten hectic and I don't want people to go without if I have another conflict and miss a day like I did Friday and Saturday (bad Amanda! I feel so bad for letting people down...). If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to the FB Event page (see link below!).
31 Days of REVolution Challenges
Join us in 31 HAES / New Year's REVolution Challenges for the month of January. Join the FB Event (http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=190278547652738) to keep up the excitement and stay informed on new developments!
- 1/1/2011 -- New Year’s REVolution kickoff day!
- Dance to the music you love best today!
- Count clouds instead of calories today!
- Tell someone they look beautiful or handsome today!
- Take the first step towards finding a fat-friendly physician today! (You could start with the Fat Friendly Health Professionals list at http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/fat/ffp.html).
- Today, think of one positive/loving thing about a part of your body which you usually dislike and/or ignore! (For extra credit, I’ll share this insight with someone you can trust to appreciate it, or journal about it.)
- Move for the joy of it today!
- Let go of ideas about “good” and “bad” foods today, and simply eat what your body craves!
- Have a spa day today! Either go to a day spa to be pampered or make your own day spa at home with manicure, pedicure, hot bath, facial, etc.
- Stand and sit tall today! Hold your head high and show the world beautiful posture.
- Read a HAES-positive article today, such as Dr. Jon Robison's article, "10 Things You Can Do Right Now To Ease Concerns About Your Weight And Improve Your Health" (http://www.welcoa.org/freeresources/pdf/10thingsyoucandorightnow.pdf).
- Today, try out a movement or exercise activity you haven’t done in a while!
- Have yourself over for dinner today! Make some wonderful food, light candles, put on a dressy outfit and some relaxing music, and really savor every bite.
- Put on some fabulous new shoes today (even if you’re just trying them on in the store)!
- Today, spend a few minutes alone, in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and notice the thoughts that pass through your mind. (For extra credit, speak an affirmation such as “I accept myself just as I am,” or “I am beautiful, good, and worthy” to your image!)
- Visit a fat acceptance, fat fashion, or body positive blog today! (Find links to dozens of fabulous, fat-positive blogs on the 2011 New Year’s Revolution Resources page at http://2011revolutions.blogspot.com/).
- Enjoy a meal with someone you care about today!
- Find a few minutes to play today!
- Today, weigh the merits of foods not only by how nutritious they are, but also how delicious!
- Pick up the phone today and make that medical or self-care appointment you keep meaning to schedule!
- Wear something that makes you feel sexy and delicious today!
- Enjoy what you eat and eat what you enjoy today!
- Go for a walk or a hike and enjoy nature today!
- Go through your closet today, and get rid of everything that doesn't fit or doesn’t make you feel good when you wear it!
- Today, give loving attention to a part of your body which you rarely pamper!
- Borrow or buy a fat-positive book today! (Find tons of fabulous book suggestions, both fiction and non-fiction, at the 2011 New Year’s Revolution Resources page: http://2011revolutions.blogspot.com/).
- Tune in to what your body feels like before, during, and after you move it today!
- Eat a nutritious and satisfying breakfast today!
- Write down five things you appreciate about your body today!
- Hug somebody today!
- Spend time today thinking or writing about how to continue your New Year’s Revolution through the rest of the year 2011!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Playing in my head...
I just had a lovely lunch with my boss/mentor and her 13-month-old boy. I had a vegetarian sandwich, because it was what I wanted. The intuitive eating voice in my head was proud of myself for getting what I wanted, and was grooving on the yummy mushrooms and melted cheese and various veggies. It also warned me that this was a very yummy sandwich but not much in the "stick with you" department, so I was thinking ahead to what/whether I had anything to snack on later in the day. All very sane and healthy (my definition of healthy, not corrupt "healthy=dieting").
But then there was the little diet devil on my shoulder telling me to feel guilty for all the yummy cheese (even though I had no meat, and very little bread!), and the dessert-wanting voice, not bad in herself -- wanting dessert is A-OK with me, or at least I want to get to the point where it is! -- but since the diet devil thinks dessert is bad, the dessert-wanting voice caved to the pressure and twisted herself in knots, arguing in a burst of spurious logic and ugly old definitions of virtue that "since I'd had a vegetarian lunch, it was OK to have ice cream now." If I'm going to have ice cream, I'd like to decide to because I want it, and it sounds good to my tummy/mouth/body - not because I've "earned" it by some bizarre deprivation-world logic. Sigh. But hey - the shake was quite tasty! And it did, in fact, settle well in my vegetable-occupied tummy landscape. So that's good, anyway.
I wish I hadn't had those couple of clutter-y diet thoughts. But really, I need to see that there's a lot more intuitive eating WIN than FAIL in today's lunch: I ate what I wanted to eat, instead of eating more/differently than I wanted in fear of future hunger, I got dessert because it sounded good but I also knew it would settle well and there was room in my tummy, etc. A couple of the messages my brain has on auto-play are bad, but the decisions made were right and in tune.
But then there was the little diet devil on my shoulder telling me to feel guilty for all the yummy cheese (even though I had no meat, and very little bread!), and the dessert-wanting voice, not bad in herself -- wanting dessert is A-OK with me, or at least I want to get to the point where it is! -- but since the diet devil thinks dessert is bad, the dessert-wanting voice caved to the pressure and twisted herself in knots, arguing in a burst of spurious logic and ugly old definitions of virtue that "since I'd had a vegetarian lunch, it was OK to have ice cream now." If I'm going to have ice cream, I'd like to decide to because I want it, and it sounds good to my tummy/mouth/body - not because I've "earned" it by some bizarre deprivation-world logic. Sigh. But hey - the shake was quite tasty! And it did, in fact, settle well in my vegetable-occupied tummy landscape. So that's good, anyway.
I wish I hadn't had those couple of clutter-y diet thoughts. But really, I need to see that there's a lot more intuitive eating WIN than FAIL in today's lunch: I ate what I wanted to eat, instead of eating more/differently than I wanted in fear of future hunger, I got dessert because it sounded good but I also knew it would settle well and there was room in my tummy, etc. A couple of the messages my brain has on auto-play are bad, but the decisions made were right and in tune.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Samosas for Breakfast: Intuitive Eating WIN
What to do with those two samosas you got the guy at the farmers' market to throw in for free with purchase of Monday's lunch? Eat them for breakfast on Wednesday, of course. Indian food for breakfast? I can hear some people's disbelief from here. But one of the things I keep reminding myself is that breakfast food is whatever you eat in the morning that gets you going and keeps you energized 'til lunch. It doesn't have to be American "breakfast food." Which is important, 'cause most of the time, most of that food doesn't appeal in the morning. It's too sweet (granola bars), too carb-y and not enough protein-y (bagel and cream cheese), too greasy (sausage), too "I don't know, I mostly just don't want it, and even if I did who has time to make it?" (full breakfast with eggs, toast, sausage/bacon).
Now, these "rules" may sound like they're fueled from a diet or good food/bad food place. But it just so happens that they're not... it's just how I feel. I don't usually desire sweet things in the morning. My body wants PROTEIN to get going. I love bagels and cream cheese, but if that's what I have for breakfast, I'm hungry by 10am! So I'm constantly struggling to find something to eat in the morning that a) is supremely easy - we're talking grab and go only! b) is high in protein and not particularly sweet, and c) feels like real food, not processed to death. (Finding something that fits both A and C is nigh-impossible!!) A lot of times, I go for the old toast with peanut butter routine. It's not grab and go, but I keep the makings in my desk drawer and make a quick run to the toaster at work! I have also sometimes enjoyed a plain turkey sandwich - bread, mayo, turkey only - although I find I only like this when someone else makes it. At least this month - darn moody tummy/eating brain.
But today, I had a breakfast that tasted great, totally appealed, and feels good sitting in my tummy right now. Remember those leftover samosas? 2 deep-fried pyramids of goodness, pastry filled with potatoes, peas, and spices (not hot spicy, just highly flavorful), dipped in tangy, somewhat-sweet mango chutney (and used to scoop up the big chunks of mango in said chutney)... who knew that was breakfast food? But it worked. And with a container of yogurt for protein, and the potatoes in the samosas for bulk and fullness, the whole thing made my tummy a happy camper! The only minor complaint is it was SO good and SO filling that I ate a little bit more than maybe I needed. Next time maybe 1 samosa instead of two!
Now, these "rules" may sound like they're fueled from a diet or good food/bad food place. But it just so happens that they're not... it's just how I feel. I don't usually desire sweet things in the morning. My body wants PROTEIN to get going. I love bagels and cream cheese, but if that's what I have for breakfast, I'm hungry by 10am! So I'm constantly struggling to find something to eat in the morning that a) is supremely easy - we're talking grab and go only! b) is high in protein and not particularly sweet, and c) feels like real food, not processed to death. (Finding something that fits both A and C is nigh-impossible!!) A lot of times, I go for the old toast with peanut butter routine. It's not grab and go, but I keep the makings in my desk drawer and make a quick run to the toaster at work! I have also sometimes enjoyed a plain turkey sandwich - bread, mayo, turkey only - although I find I only like this when someone else makes it. At least this month - darn moody tummy/eating brain.
But today, I had a breakfast that tasted great, totally appealed, and feels good sitting in my tummy right now. Remember those leftover samosas? 2 deep-fried pyramids of goodness, pastry filled with potatoes, peas, and spices (not hot spicy, just highly flavorful), dipped in tangy, somewhat-sweet mango chutney (and used to scoop up the big chunks of mango in said chutney)... who knew that was breakfast food? But it worked. And with a container of yogurt for protein, and the potatoes in the samosas for bulk and fullness, the whole thing made my tummy a happy camper! The only minor complaint is it was SO good and SO filling that I ate a little bit more than maybe I needed. Next time maybe 1 samosa instead of two!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Eating with people
I had a fun fat-poz eating experience yesterday. There's this coworker, SM, with whom I'm becoming friends. I'm really enjoying it. She's a sweetheart and I enjoy her - and she's one of the few people at my job who are relatively my own age. We haven't hung out outside of work yet, due mostly to the fact that she lives over an hour away and commutes here, and the fact that I've been moving and insanely busy. But we have lunch together sometimes.
Yesterday, I asked if she'd go and get us lunch because I had gotten it last time and I was really busy yesterday. She was willing, so we started trying to figure out what we wanted. I thought I might want a salad, but decided on a burger. Meanwhile, I had talked her into a salad for her! So she gets back with my "junk food" lunch of burger with all the fixin's and fried zucchini, while she's having a "virtuous" salad. (Yup, my good food/bad food stuff got triggered...) I said, truthfully, that the salad looked good but kind of small. That gave her permission to say that she'd considered getting a burger on the side, and she should have because this wasn't enough food.
So nice to hear someone else think like that, too. With women you're just getting to know, you're always wondering if they've got diet-brain, if she might be thinking this was enough food or secretly thinking I was a stereotype-fat-girl eating burgers and fries all the time, or whatever. But she was just like, "I'm gonna be hungry by 3 o'clock!" So nice to feel comfortable with her... this speaks well for my ability to be close friends with her. Yay!
Yesterday, I asked if she'd go and get us lunch because I had gotten it last time and I was really busy yesterday. She was willing, so we started trying to figure out what we wanted. I thought I might want a salad, but decided on a burger. Meanwhile, I had talked her into a salad for her! So she gets back with my "junk food" lunch of burger with all the fixin's and fried zucchini, while she's having a "virtuous" salad. (Yup, my good food/bad food stuff got triggered...) I said, truthfully, that the salad looked good but kind of small. That gave her permission to say that she'd considered getting a burger on the side, and she should have because this wasn't enough food.
So nice to hear someone else think like that, too. With women you're just getting to know, you're always wondering if they've got diet-brain, if she might be thinking this was enough food or secretly thinking I was a stereotype-fat-girl eating burgers and fries all the time, or whatever. But she was just like, "I'm gonna be hungry by 3 o'clock!" So nice to feel comfortable with her... this speaks well for my ability to be close friends with her. Yay!
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